Answers
Thank you guys for asking these questions. It means the world to me that you would let down your guard and ask questions that are very personal to you. I hope my answers can help. Remember, what I say is just advice, it’s just words. Don’t live by what I say, just take it in. Also, there are many questions about God. So a lot of my answers are about God. If you do not believe in God or Jesus, don’t get offended by my answers and try not to think of me any differently.
I answered all of these questions while listening to a really good song on repeat. It allowed me to get in the right mood emotionally to really feel these questions out. Give it a listen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx9cjpZE1bA
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Q. What’s your opinion on lesbians, gays, bisexual, and transgender people?
A. I love them. I think of them just like I think of everyone else. They are amazing people. And they are all different. No one is, or should be, defined by one trait. People get too caught up on the matter of sexual preference. Yes, in the Bible it is a sin to have sex with someone of the same gender. But many things are sins. And Everyone sins. It’s also a sin to lie, to have sex before marriage, and to think ill of others. Have you ever thought badly of someone else? Yes? Than you are a sinner. So if you sin and a gay person is sinning, than who should judge who?
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Q. What’s the best way to get past something that not all people experience? Like when older guys touch younger women?
A. This is a hard one. I don’t know the “best” way to get past something like that; I can only offer my advice. You can take it or leave it. When an older guy touches a younger woman, the woman has to understand that she is not to blame. She is not at fault. I am going to change “she” to “you” just so it is easier to write/read. It is not your fault if you have ever been touched without your consent. The blame and fault is completely on the older person. They have to live with that hurt and that guilt their whole lives. You don’t. You can slowly accept it and understand that it doesn’t define who you are. It is a scar on your mind and body, but it is nothing more. I have scars on my body. But that is all they are. Nothing more. I am me, and the scars mean nothing to me. The best thing you can do is forgive the person internally, and live for right now. If it is too troublesome for you to hold in, talk about it with someone you trust. But just know that it is in the past, and doesn’t define you. You are you, and that is beautiful.
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Q. How do you keep your faith in God even when the world is as bad of a place as it is today? With the poverty, sickness, crime, genocide, hate, and terrible economy of our country?
A. I understand that to many, God is simply a figment of people’s imagination; a mental security. But to me, God is real and is more vast than I could ever imagine. This world can be thought of as a terrible, horrible place. But I believe that God is good. Poverty, sickness, crime, genocide, and hate are all happening currently. People around the world die by the minute from sickness, disease, and hunger, but God is good. I could get into this more, but I don’t think I should right now. I am aware of all of the negatives of this world, but I look at the mountains or the sunrise or the stars, and I know God is good. This world is flawed because of people, not because of God.
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Q. I wonder how I can go to school everyday, talk to everyone and they talk to me, but I feel as if no one cares, it wouldn’t affect anybody if I wasn’t here anymore? Like I’m just someone in the background, told not to look at the camera because I don’t play an important role.
A. I like the imagery in this question. The truth is that you are partially right. Most of those people don’t care about you. Everyone has their own life to live, and a lot of the time most people are focused on themselves. Now I could go Christian with this answer, or I could go politically correct. I’ll do both. The only one that truly cares about you and will never let you down is God. He is the only true stability that you can lean on. If you don’t believe that, then I’ll give you more advice that might help. There are people willing to care, you need to figure out who they are. Maybe it’s only 1-3 people in your life that truly care for you. Let me tell you, that is enough. Understand that you don’t matter to most people, but to a select few, you matter a heck of a lot. Focus on that select few that care about you instead of focusing on the mass majority that don’t.
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Q. Did you ever have a time in your life where you were struggling so much you just wanted to crawl into a ball and give up? If so how did you pick up your head and continue?
A. I’m always struggling. I’ve never struggled literally for survival, but I have struggled plenty mentally and emotionally. I used to be very stressed out, and I am much less stressed now. I will answer this by letting you know how I started stressing less. First I came to the understanding that life is supposed to be a struggle and that you will always have stress in your life. However, I realized there should be different levels of stress. Let’s base it on a 1-10. Your mom dying or you getting into a near fatal car crash should be a 10. Not much should get a level 10 stress factor. Most day-to-day things like you missing lunch or spilling coffee on yourself should only be around 1 or 2. 90% of things that stress you out should only be at a 0-2 stress level. So when things feel horribly wrong in my life, I take a step back and say, “Will I be ME tomorrow? Will I be able to survive this week? Will I look back at this in a year and not remember any of it?” If all of those can be answered with a Yes, than I don’t stress hard about it. Suddenly, I’m not struggling too hard because not much day-to-day matters in the long haul.
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Q. Do you ever question if what you’re doing in your life is the right thing? I’m about to declare my major and sometimes I just think what if it’s not right? How did you get over this feeling?
A. I question if what I’m doing in life is the right thing ALL OF THE TIME. It’s because I think too much and I doubt that those feelings will ever go away. But there are many times when I look around me and realize that I am right where I am supposed to be. I am on my Path and it is exactly where I belong. I think that I got over that big, scary feeling of, “What am I supposed to do with my life” by realizing that I have 80 years to decide. Do you really think that a college major is going to define what you are supposed to do in this life? Ask adults and many will tell you that their major doesn’t pertain at all to their career. Don’t worry too hard about the major, just do what you love and go with your gut. Think or pray about it, and go with what you feel is most “right”. That’s what I am doing, and I have to tell you, I haven’t regretted much yet.
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Q. Hey Dave, I’m a senior and college deadlines are coming up, and art school was what I decided to go do but I was thinking while looking at my art work and all of the sudden I decided that art school probably isn’t the wisest thing for me. I feel like there’s no way that this can be the correct decision. I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to be doing with my life at all right now. I know what I want to do (photography), but what I want to do generally isn’t the best for me. I’m not sure which way to go when both of my arms are being pulled nearly out of their sockets by my desires. Did you ever have to make a tough decision like this? How do you choose? And what did you choose?
A. Great question. I was just talking to someone yesterday about this. The correct answer is, “Do both.” You have more than one passion. I also have more than one passion. Luckily, there are over 14 hours in my conscious day where I can work toward all of them. I want to be a rock star, a writer, a motivational speaker, an entrepreneur, a teacher, a Christian artist, an actor, and an economist. Those ambitions may change over the years, but me working towards them doesn’t. You can do whatever you want in this life. Don’t think you have to narrow it down to 1 thing! I am getting my college degree in Business Management. Does that mean I can’t be a rock star? Think about it.
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Q. Have you ever had one of those days where you can’t think straight? Like, you have so much on your mind you feel that you’re going crazy. How do you stop the thoughts? Any certain thing you do to clear your mind of everything and relax?
A. Sometimes I feel like that. However, most people that know me know that I am a little crazy. So what I do if I feel like I have way too much worry, too many thoughts, and too many deadlines on my plate; is a literally say to myself, “Screw it”, and I just do something random. I just give up and enjoy life for a little bit. I’ll take a long bike ride to a lake and go swimming. Now I am still responsible about it. I’ll tell anyone who is waiting on me that I am canceling. But I seriously throw my cares away for the day and say, “I’ll get there tomorrow”. I don’t do that often, but when the world is weighing too heavily on me that I’m about to snap, you will find me swimming in a lake. Because me worrying that hard isn’t worth the things that need to be accomplished. Those things aren’t going anywhere, so I will tackle some of it tomorrow. Today, I will just live life.
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Q. What is the hardest thing you have ever had to overcome in life? How did you conquer that and how has it helped you be the person you are today?
A. I admit easily that the hard things in my life may not be nearly as rough as the hard things in many other people’s lives. People in this world starve to death, deal with murdering others, spend their lives in mental institutions, live with hatred, and feel suicidal every day. I can’t say I’ve dealt with any of that. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to accomplish probably was moving out of my mom’s house. I love my mom. She tries very hard. But she has had a very rough past and has spent her life learning to cope with it. She has always felt that she doesn’t have a person in this world to turn to. I am the youngest child, so for my high school career, I was really my mom’s only contact and friend. So she took out all her frustrations about my father, all of her feelings of hurt and loss, and all of her contempt on me. I was the only person on the earth that she could vent to. So I spent years of my life with the pressure of knowing that I was the only person she could turn to, and fearing that if I left, she would have no one left and she would end up doing something drastic. I finally left not knowing what the future would entail. But I haven’t lived their in 3 years and she is doing OK. She’s knows I love her and that I try, and I know the same. We are happy. That was probably the hardest thing I’ve dealt with, and it has helped me enormously as a person. I would not be the person I am today if I didn’t have to go through my hard times. Those hard times are what shape you the most.
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Q. I have to make a big decision within the next few weeks, and I’m not sure what to choose. I’ve tried pro/con lists, and other things like that but none of it is helping. I don’t want to make the wrong decision, I have before and it really makes life terrible. What should I do to make this easier, and decide the right thing?
A. It’s hard for me to help because I have no idea at all about what the decision it is you have to make. The best thing I can say is that if you go with your gut, it is not possible to make a wrong decision. I have made big decisions in the past that seem “wrong” now, but I think deeper into where I am as a person and realize that I needed to make that decision to be who I am today. You have to go with your gut and never regret it. If the decision you make ends up making life harder for you, than maybe your life was supposed to get harder. If you can keep on learning from life and your mistakes, than I don’t think it is possible to make a wrong decision.
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Q. What is your advice if you’re in a first relationship? I could really use some if you don’t mind… :/
A. I’m going to assume this is a girl, but if it is not, just change the ‘Him’s to ‘Her’s. Your first relationship statistically has a very, very low percentage rate of lasting a lifetime. So my best advice I can give is no matter how much you love him/her, don’t give your whole mind and body to him. Try not to let your emotions get the best of you. Set your guidelines now of what you are willing to do with him physically and stick to them (I hope it ends at kissing). This matters more than you will ever know. Also, do not let your relationship with him negatively affect your relationships with your family and friends, or your work ethic in school. You chose to be with him because subconsciously you think that he will improve your life, don’t end up having it be the opposite. Good luck and have a great first relationship. Tell him I said what’s up and that I am keeping an eye on you two.
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Q. Have you ever felt alone? What I mean is have you ever felt alone even though you talk to a million people everyday? I feel like that. I feel alone even though I have so many people I see everyday. I don’t mean to sound depressing just a question. Lol. It’s a feeling that comes and gos.
A. Yes, I sometimes feel very alone. I think that if everyone was honest, they would tell you that they feel alone sometimes as well. It’s a very human feeling. The best you can do is know that you do have people that care about you and know that if everyone else has that feeling, then how alone can you really feel? You are feeling alone, surrounded by other people that also sometimes feel alone. Weird right?
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Q. So last night I saw the band Skillet and before one of the songs, the singer started talking about God and how if you feel alone and like no one cares, God does. So I guess my question is, how do you believe? A part of me wishes I could be like that.
A. Anyone can be like that. I think it is easier for me to believe than it is for me not to believe. Think about your body. There are processes in you that no human can replicate on paper. Your brain is the highest-powered machine in the world. Do you honestly think that a human really built you? It is easier for me to believe that God put me on this Earth for a purpose, than it is for me to believe that I am just spontaneously here for no apparent reason. God cares about you. It says in the Bible that he knows the amount of hairs on your head. I believe that He built you and he wants you to know that he cares. The choice is yours to believe that as well. No one can ever force you to believe something like that, it is completely up to you.
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Q. Why do you have to let go of the thing you love the most and see if it returns? Do you believe in love at first sight?
A. It’s not about letting go of the things you love the most. It’s more about letting go of everything in your life. You will live a healthier life when you say to yourself, “There are too many interworking parts in this world for me to have everything under my control.” Whether you believe in God or something else, you have to admit, there are too many external factors for you to have everything underneath your fingertip. So, the best thing you can do is be yourself, do what you think is right, and allow the universe (or God) to take its course. So, letting everything go includes the things you love most. It doesn’t mean sit down and watch them leave, it means you trying your best to live your life and allowing things that are supposed to happen happen. I believe in love at first sight, but only if you are disciplined enough to allow that love to last a lifetime.
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Q. Love is a very strong emotion. People say “I love you” to others very easily. Do you think that this is acceptable/ok?
A. I think that there should be more than one word instead of just saying “love”. Because I love tacos, but that is a different kind of love than the love I have for my future wife. I can’t say that I’ve ever truly said, “I love you” romantically to a girl. I may have once or twice, but it was probably by accident. I believe that I will only truly love one girl in my life as more than a friend, more than a taco, and more than my own mother. So I am saving the “I love you” for her. I date girls, but I don’t say, “I love you” to them.
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Q. 2 years ago, I was barely into my senior year of high school, and I was aching to get out of Indiana. I thought I could leave the Midwest and be happy without looking back. But now, I’m in college, still in Indiana, and beginning to miss my home that is a mere 1 1/2 hour drive away. I’ve just thought about all the things I would be leaving behind while only being gone on internships in the summers, even how much I miss being gone a few weeks at a time. When I think of it that way, it’s a bit overwhelming to think about what I would miss while permanently living a number of states away. Yet, I know that someday, a day not too far away, I’m going to have to let go of some things and move on with my life, wherever it may take me.
So here is my question: How do you let go?
A. You can’t hold on forever. You know that letting go is inevitable. So the best way to do it is simply just to deal with it and learn from it. Everyone is different. I have a friend that willing joined the coast guard and got stationed in Alaska for 3 years. He had to leave his life and everything in it for 3 years. I couldn’t do that easily. But sometimes, life forces you to let go. You don’t have a choice and you know that. So the best thing you can do is willing loosen your grip a little. Cry, weep, and wallow if you need to; but ultimately accept that letting go is a part of life. It is OK. So let it happen.
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Q. I’m a senior in high school and I have just started to realize how uncomfortable I am in my own skin. I have lied to myself for years and made myself think that I am my own person, but I’m not. I have shaped who I am and what I say and do around some not so good people. Mostly people in the music industry that I look up to. I really need advice on how to find myself and stop worrying about what others think and letting their personal beliefs affect mine.
A. Wow. I am sorry about those people in the music industry. I do not want to be like them and I hope they don’t represent me. This life is too short for you to care a heck of a lot about other people’s opinions of you. Albert Einstein was thought to be weird and crazy by many at some points, but he came to be one of the most prominent figures in the last 100 years of human history. How crazy is that? The weird people seem to be the most influential. That’s why I don’t mind being abnormal, and being my own person. So the question is how do you find you? The answer to that, if you are willing to accept it, is through God and what he wants for you. But if you don’t want that answer, than a separate answer would be to just figure out what you love and go with it. I have found myself by saying, “What truly makes me feel happy and fulfilled?” and doing those things. I am trying my hand in music because I love it, I enrolled in college because I love learning, I made this blog because I like writing and helping people. You see? You can be what you want, just figure out what you want and don’t let others interfere with that too much.
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Q. I have a couple for you.
1. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
2. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
3. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
4. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
5. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
A. 1. You do many things you don’t like because either someone told you to do those things and you followed orders, or you know you have to do them because those things will help you in the long run. Example: You do the dishes because even though you don’t like doing them, the next time you eat, you know you will want a clean dish. So what I do to make sure I like everything I do, is figure out a different perspective. Back to the dishes example, I realized that the biggest reason I hate doing the dishes is because the hot water scolds my hands and leaves them clammy. So now I wear rubber gloves and doing the dishes feels like getting a nice, warm hand massage. Sweet.
2. Pride and regret gets in the way too often when we make mistakes. Truth be told, the only way to truly learn is by making mistakes. Babies learn to walk by falling down. If they never fell down, they wouldn’t truly know how to walk. Same thing with everything you do. So break the mold, and fearless make those mistakes!
3. It is always time to do what you know is right. I know that I have a mind that would allow me to create a business right now that would make me millions by the time I am 24. But I know that that isn’t the right path for me. It isn’t why I am alive. So I often try to ignore my calculations and be true to myself. At the end of the day, no money, no human relationship, and no big prize could ever give you the same fulfillment of doing what you know is right for you.
4. I don’t know if I have. I’d need more information about the situation you are trying to describe.
5. I don’t know what my greatest fear is. It’s hard to know. I’m not really afraid to die because if it happens, it happens. I’m not afraid of persecution or hardships because, once again, they are inevitable if I’m living life correctly. I guess one of my biggest fears is someday getting a divorce. I grew up in a broken home, so I do not want that repeated. But I know, with the right girl, the right love, the right discipline, and the right mindset, divorce is not an option.
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Q. I have social anxiety. Nothing you would notice at first glace, it’s more or less inside my mind. I work really hard to be outgoing, I work in retail for a reason, to break out of the shell. But the judgment is always in the back of my mind. I actually have a bad habit of coming off creepy, weird, or just a little bit off to most people, and I hate it. But as much as I try, it’s not something that’s exactly fixable. It’s hard enough to make friends, I’ve got music industry friends, but that’s not a lot of help when everyone is on tour. & I love my job, but most people I work have lives outside of work.
I don’t really know what kind of question I can bring of this, other than if you had social anxiety, how would you conquer it?
A. I think that being confident in yourself is the best thing you can do to beat social anxiety. I am the most socially awkward person I know, but that is ok because I am comfortable with that. I use it to my advantage to win over new friends, or just be funny. The only reason I can live with being socially awkward is by being confident with myself. Confidence breathes so much into other peoples’ subconscious. They can just tell when you are confident. So instead of working on conquering your social anxiety, work on conquering You. Look yourself in the mirror and know that God made you to be exactly who you are. Then live your life accordingly. Don’t be afraid to come off a little weird. It’s you! Own it.
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Q. The last year of my life has been incredibly stagnant. I feel like I haven’t moved forward because I don’t know how to get to where I want to go. It’s like I have a destination but no map or directions. As someone who seems to have life pretty figured out, how did you determine the path you wanted to take with your life?
A. I love this question because of this part, “It’s like I have a destination but no map or directions.” Let me tell you the Truth: There is no destination. Your entire life is the journey. Once you can come to grips with that, than your life can be taken one day at a time and you can make your choices without too much anxiety. My life is “figured out” because I am just a happy-go-lucky guy who is willing to make mistakes in my life. I don’t know my “path”, so I am feeling it out slowly and seeing if what I do feels right. Life is a learning experience. So live and learn! Don’t rack your brain over it. Just do it!
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Q. I have a decision to make and I gotta make it fast…
This place is looking to hire two more college students, they only hire college students, they work around you schedule and you dont work on weekends, great job or what! Well, I really need a job but I don’t know if I should take it or not because one of my best friends since 6th works there and I don’t know how the employer would feel if they found out they we are friends, we’re not like typical best friends.. We don’t talk to each other constantly; if we work together we would not talk. Even though this sounds like the littlest thing to not take a job over, but there are some employers that don’t like family or friends to work together… I don’t know I guess I’ll just have to think about it some more, I just found out this morning.
A. If the job feels right to you, take it. Don’t worry about having a friend there. That won’t matter nearly as much as you think it would. If it feels right than take it. But if something doesn’t seem right about it, than don’t take it. If the job is perfect for you and the only weird part is an old friend works there, then definitely take the job. No worries there.
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Q. I’m a teen in high school. I love the school I go to and I’m very involved with all the activities there. However, I feel there is something bigger and better for me after college. A lot of adults say high school was the best time of their life, is that true? Don’t get me wrong, I like high school but I want to accomplish something that I would have never dreamed of. Something that is not accomplished by a high school student. I feel God has set this drive in me and I kind of have an idea of what direction I need to follow. However, I’m worried that I’m going to be building up for something that in the end is not there and that maybe high school is going to be the best years of my life.
A. This question is all about perspective. High school is only the best years of your life when literally you let the latter 60 years not be as good in your mind. But think about how crazy that sounds! In my life, every year is better than the last. I am always growing and always learning. It feels fabulous. Don’t let fear of the future bring you down. Have the best time in high school that you can, but also have the best time in every part of life that you can. I am 21. I am in a nationally touring rock band. I have a wonderful family that I live with who are loving, compassionate, and economically stable. I am about to fly to Florida for a week to learn about life from one of my best friends. I have an opportunity every day to help people grow. And I get to do all of that with the freedom of not being tied down to a high school. Do you think the best years of my life were in high school? The answer to that is no. You are who you want to be. And I chose to be happy with my past, present, and future. You can be too. It’s a choice. Choose wisely.
